I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
