She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
