I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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