we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
