i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
