And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
