You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
