i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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