Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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