when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
