My room smells like vodka and shame
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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