I will die if light touches me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
