Kiss
Puke
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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