Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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