she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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