Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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