What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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