wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
