omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
