Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
