I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
not ubering you a puppy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
