I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
