We're facebook friends in real life
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
