I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
