Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
