i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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