dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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