Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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