bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just pee around me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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