STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
