If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize