Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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