i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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