he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
