i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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