and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
