I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
