This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
