just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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