My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
