Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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