I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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