please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
