I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
