Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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