I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
