Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
