wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
