do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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