They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
