You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
