these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I touched a dick in church today
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
