You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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