Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
