So drunk its hurt
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How does one acquire holy water?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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