if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
