Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
