the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
