I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
