I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
