Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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