He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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